So…I’ve been thin all my life. I know other thin people who have really dedicated themselves to the gym, lifted weights and have gotten a frame that is less skeletal and more muscle-bound. Many would find that physique pleasing to the eye and assume they’re fairly healthy and fit, dare I even say sexy and assumed to be more manly.
Fast forward to me and my body issues. I go back and forth with loving my body. Some of the things I don’t enjoy about it is:
- it makes me look young
- I feel scrawny…and apparently men are supposed to be brawny, like the paper towels
- It’s generally not seen as desirable or sexy (though I have been fortunate to have my fair share of admirers who like my frame)
- Buying clothes that are tailored to fit my frame
- It could make me look physically weak
- I do think that people see me as less threatening, strong, rugged, domineering,
- I almost feel as if my small frame overdramatizes or overstates the fact that I am not indeed manly. However in different spaces it can be viewed in different ways
Things I like about my frame:
- I have built a wardrobe that goes pretty well with it
- I can fit into tight spaces pretty easily
- I generally don’t worry about people making comments about my frame like I’m gross or sloppy
- Comparatively speaking about body types, I don’t think I feel as stigmatized as people who would be deemed as overweight
Will I ever get bigger? Everyone makes it seem so easy….I actually really despise when people tell me how “simple” it is to put on weight and if I wanted it bad enough I’d do it.
“All you have to do is….blah blah blah..” NO. That’s not all I have to do…that’s all you did and it worked for you.
I have definitely tried an array of methods to bulk up, and while some have had minor to semi-significant results, at the end of the day I still see a toned, yet thin frame.
The problem with being thin is that it almost invalidates your “manliness” with an assumption that you lack “male force/higher degrees of masculinity”. That if you would just “man up”, you could be more of a man and have more muscle and mass. Overweight people definitely have their own stigmas, but the rhetoric usually involves just getting off their lazy behinds and being disciplined, they usually aren’t told to “man up”.
At the end of the day we’re supposed to have healthy bodies and lifestyles. I eat well at least 5 days out of the week, I could run a mile if you asked me to, probably need to drink more water, but beyond that I don’t have major issues.
I’d like to think that if I gained more weight I’d be seen as a little bit more sexy, and perhaps more manly. I don’t know though…I also feel like people who love me and whomever I’m supposed to be with will dig the fact that I’m thin and take my body just the way it is. Is that wishful thinking?
I also can’t decide if me bulking up should be placed in the “vanity” category, or if it would really give me more confidence. I’m guessing I might be more confident…but I would need to make sure I was doing it for me and not for others. For the time being I have developed enough confidence with my body that is a “take-it-or-leave it” mentality. I’ve already got a ton of other things going for me against the male status quo and I’ve been fine….I’ll ride this thin thing out for as long as my body allows me to.