This post will be the first of many on a topic that is very
interesting and dear to me. It is not the lament or attempt at revenge to the
status quo of men who don’t always fit in society’s view of what is “manly.” This is an introductory and honest look at how
masculinity has hurt people I love, probably people you love and maybe even has
hurt you (and me) at some point.
Lack of education, imprisonment, violent crimes, abuse,
inability to empathize, reckless
behavior and body image issues are all byproducts of our society’s performance
of manhood. These are just some of the
expenses both men and women have paid due to the high costs of traditional masculine gender roles in
society. While I’m certainly not pinning
every bit of the aforementioned
casualties on masculinity, it would be
naïve of me to dismiss the role it plays in our social norms.
When society enforces that men must be strong, powerful,
independent, rugged, and respected, the structures that teach men these lessons
are cracked and flawed. Instead of
producing the well-intentioned, confident and assured proverbial man, we
sometimes get domineering, arrogant, greedy, and inconsiderate individuals who
will go to regrettable measures to fulfill their idea of manliness. They usually
take no responsibility for their actions and have no idea that the catalyst for
a lot of their behavior is stemmed in an identity crisis.
The emotionally unavailable spouse, the condescending
co-worker, the present and/or absentee father that was never there in the name
of providing (or lack thereof) – we’ve all met him. The guy who boasts and leads
with his accomplishments, the guy who
made you feel like your body wasn’t attractive, the guy who is intimidated or
critical of your compassion and sensitivity, the guy who could possibly mug you
on the street – we’ve all experienced how he made us feel. We’re in a culture
surrounded by misguided men who are truly just in search of a secure identity.
My aim is not to replace the John Wayne hyper-masculine
gender role and identity, my hope is that we can add more cards to the
deck. When boys are born, we shouldn’t reinforce
language, media and social structures that teach a one-dimensional
archetype. It’s limiting and has harmful
far-reaching effects.
Let’s instead affirm multiple identities for men. Let’s be
mindful of the images we use in the media that depict masculinity. Let’s use
language that accepts colors and interests beyond blue and sports. Let’s think
about the long-term affects of how we can contribute to a healthier society by
allowing people to be themselves. Let’s
remember the feeling we feel when we are comfortable with who are and others
embrace that.
Whether you accept, acknowledge, perpetuate or reject the
notion and ascribed behaviors for traditional masculine gender roles, you give
credence to its existence. Monitor your
own beliefs and behavior.
Great points that you bring up Brandon. What do you think should be done in order to aid the future generation?
ReplyDeleteI think there needs to be a longtime span of macro-level change for us to really shift/change the traditional masculine gender role. One thing I think people can do now on a micro-level is just to monitor the language they use and hold others accountable as well (without being preachy). For example, "act like a man, suck it up, boys don't cry, be tough, no homo, get your weight up, etc." as if to suggest that someone is not a man b/c they aren't complying to those terms. I also think one way to start the macro change is to show different forms of masculinity in the mass media (commercials, movies, books, tv shows, even in the toys that little boys play with). Don't have all the answers - but I think those things could help. I'll def keep this topic alive with future posts. Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeletegreat post, brandon! keep it up & let's hang soon. my schedule is nuts for the next few weeks, but would love to have you over for a home cooked meal once i'm settled at my new apartment.
ReplyDelete:) lani