Why I Admire Michelle Williams

Michelle Williams, the often overlooked and/or over-critiqued member of Destiny’s Child is gaining quite a bit of my respect.  I would almost love to sit down with her and talk about what she does to display so much perseverance and resilience.

Here are my thoughts…

Since joining the group back in I’m-too-lazy-to-look-it-up-to-be-accurate, she has had to hit the ground running; jumping over industry hurdles as well as deal with all the stuff people on the sidelines are throwing her way.

She’s usually the one in the group who’s forgotten about. When she is remembered, she’s either viewed as the butt of the joke, or deemed as the one who’s not as good as Beyoncé or Kelly.

Now, let’s be clear, has she earned some of this reputation…? I’d say yes.

As Donnie McClurkin sang in his famous gospel hit, “We Fall Down, But We Get Up”…that’s only literally speaking for Michelle. After her infamous fall on BET 106^th & Park, I can guarantee you that anyone who knows who Michelle Williams is remembers her iconic fall…and laughed. I’m guilty, I replayed the video the other morning at least 6 times and could not stop laughing. When Beyonce fell, people thought it was somewhat funny, but they more revered how she got back up, kept swinging her hair and sang even harder. She literally and metaphorically speaking, got back up…Michelle is still on the ground from her fall.

Another thing…this Poor Michelle blog. I’m not going to lie…it is funny.  Whoever had the time to put that together has a keen eye, lol. Throughout that blog there are videos and montages of some questionable outfit, performance, and body language choices that Michelle has made throughout her career.

But let’s get back to the point about why I admire and respect her. 

If/when you see Michelle Williams speak publicly about her career, she does it with a smile. She is gracious and confident about what she has accomplished.  She actually has quite an accomplished resume, filled with successful solo gospel and international dance hits. Her theater resume is strikingly accomplished too. She’s the first black woman to play Roxie in the show Chicago, she’s been in the Color Purple, Aida, and now she’s starring in Fela.

I think the real reason that Michelle has to bear the brunt of so many people’s jokes is because of who she stands next to and is often compared to…Beyonce.  Beyonce’s almost perfect persona leaves little room for error. I think when people are pointing and laughing at Michelle’s mishaps, they’re really just connecting to her perfectly imperfectness. Any John or Jane Doe might fall when they’re running around in high heels trying to keep up with Beyonce.

Michelle could be used as a symbol in all of our lives for those times where we just don’t feel like we measure up, but we believe in ourselves and give it our best shot. That’s what I see Michelle Williams doing. She has incredibly thick skin, talent, and the confidence to say – I’m not Beyonce, I’m Michelle.



View Michelle's fall...but she gets back up! GO MICHELLE!!

Do Black People Care about Black History?

This weekend I had an awesome opportunity to actually experience and learn something new about black history. I learned about Oscar Micheaux, America’s first black film director and was privy to see his work Within Our Gates, a poignant film from 1920 about education and racial inequities.

While it could be coincidental that this movie was showing during February (black history month) I definitely saw it as an opportunity/attempt at highlighting some black history.  I attended the movie with 3 other black people, and based on the crowd…we really stood out. We were probably 4 out of 10 black people in the entire audience…and there was a significant crowd that came out to see the film.

After the film, my friends and I went to eat and we laughed and talked about “why were there so few black people there?” We had no real concrete answers, the most we could come up with was that people just didn’t know.

While that is problematic in itself, it speaks to a larger issue.  It got me thinking, are black people doing enough to promote black history? Are black people creating and or seeking opportunities to learn and share black history?  Now I am not about to go on a soapbox and preach because I saw one historical black film. Truth be told, I’m usually chilling on my Martin Luther King Jr. Day off from work.

But going to see the film did force me to reflect and think…am I being as proactive as I can be for black history?  While some argue on the necessity of black history month, and rather suggest year round knowledge of blacks’ contribution, at the end of the day blacks’ historical relevance beyond slavery and Jim Crow often go untold to the masses. I’m okay with a special month where we try to go a little deeper.  But when I say “we” go a little deeper, I’m speaking to the people who make an effort to learn more about black history and/or promote it.

Within my classroom, I started a unit on the Negro Baseball League. My students have been really excited to learn about it, and it goes beyond the typical Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks story.  I’ve even taught myself a few things.

At the end of the day…most enlightened, non-prejudiced people are looking to learn.  The viewing for Within Our Gates proved to me that other people besides blacks care about black history.  I charge everyone, and yes, especially blacks to do the due diligence of just learning one new piece of black history and sharing it. 

My Guilty Pleasures

I always admire those people who say, “ I don’t own a TV”, or “I just read for fun”.  The admiration usually just stops there as I cannot readily incorporate that into my life.

Lately, I have been loving me some TV!

Let me tell you all about what I’m watching…and why I can’t get enough!

The Sisterhood, on TLC:  This show is addicting because as someone who “grew up churchy” I can appreciate the ridiculousness and comedy of these 5 Atlanta women who are married to pastors.  With everything from a Christian Bat-Mitzvah, racial feuds, and sex parties for pastors' wives…I have been tuning in and will continue to do so!

House Hunters & other HGTV programming:  Apparently this show (and station) have been going on long and strong for a while…I’m just late.  Watching this show just gives me hope that one day I will be in a position to save my money , buy a dream home with my spouse and we’ll live “happily ever after”.

Bravo’s Real Housewives of Atlanta: Need I say more than NeNe Leakes and Kenya Moore?!?! This seasons has given me all of the cooky phrases I need to have a laugh when it’s Sunday night and I’m preparing for the work week ahead. Donkey booty, Gone with the wind Fabulous,  Bye-Bye Ashy! I could keep going.

RuPaul’s Drag Race, Logo: 

I have my old roommates David and Daniel to thank for my new appreciation and fascination with drag queens. This show’s take on America’s Next Top Model, except with men who do drag is one of the most creative, hilarious and outrageous shows out. Each episode delivers entertainment and creativity, and the sometimes subtle subtext of the show is teaching viewers about another community in our society. Beyond learning some new drag slang, the show always teaches its viewers to love and accept yourself. “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you goin’ love someone else? Can I get an amen?!?!”

Scandal, ABC: I got hip to Scandal late last year and have been hooked ever since.  The characters speak really fast, and there are lots of plots twists and turns…but at the end of the day it forces me to pay attention and not just watch mind-numbing television.  I also appreciate the cast and it’s writing…but that’s an entirely differnet post.

GIRLS, HBO. I did not cancel my HBO subscription simply because a new season of Girls was returning to TV. This show is so well written and acted, it’s like a visual and mental trip into the lives of every young adult persona. Beyond that I think what I enjoy most about this show is the conversations I get to have about it with other viewers. Drug use, interracial dating, body image, sexual orientation, career fulfillment, abortion…I could go on and on. It provides good fodder, usually good background music, and a quirky lead character that you have to love and laugh with.

Identity Theft pt 3 – America’s Macho Ego & Ammunition

It’s a shame, but I have to admit it…I’ve become numb to the violence that seems so common to American news headlines.  And yes, I’m speaking about Sandy Hook, and the thousands of other nameless people that die from guns.

When I stop to think about why I feel numb, it’s not because I’m emotionless or don’t have any empathy for those who are victims of  gun violence. The real reason I feel numb is because I feel powerless against it.

What can I do? And this is not a rhetorical question. At the end of the day…what can I do? Yes I can sign an online petition…but after that…clueless. It seems like the agents of change around legislation and gun laws are all caught up in red tape.  So nothing gets done while people die from the trigger of guns daily.

Perhaps I’m too extreme in my personal thought that we should just get rid of guns altogether…I mean, we saw what happened with alcohol and Prohibition. But just take a moment to imagine a world with no guns? I know it seems hard…but just try.  Hunters, you can still use your bow and arrows.  Of course there’d still be crime…but I’m sure the drive-bys, massacre killings, and pre-meditated murder would decrease significantly.

Sometimes I feel like America is just as backwards as it is progressive. America is suffering from an identity crisis. And I’m not calling America insecure, but it sure has an “ego” and issues with feeling powerful.  Why does America cleave to its guns like gum to the bottom of a shoe?

A gun was created to kill…sure initially the right to bear arms was meant as a form of protection against rowdy soldiers, but come on ...we modify a lot of laws to reflect the times we live in.

The wars that have taken place on American soil have all involved guns…when Americans have gotten involved in other foreign conflict affairs & wars…guns are involved. Americans like feeling powerful and they use guns as a means to flex their muscles.  Guns are used for recreation sport, for hunting (on a full stomach), threatening, intimidation and for killing.  And what we’re saying through our gun laws , gun usage, and glorification of gun culture is that  we don’t value the loss of life that comes through guns. We value the person’s right to own the gun. We value feeling powerful, and letting someone know that if they mess with us…they got another thing coming. We value feeling like God, because with our guns we can decide when and how someone can die or be caused pain.

I know that a lot of people argue that guns help defend and protect, and I know there have been cases where a gun has helped protect someone from a robbery,  etc. I’d like to zoom out from those micro-incidents and say, if no one had a gun to begin with – there’d be less robberies.  And if guns are really so suitable for protection – where were the guns for the people in the movie theater in Colorado? Why shouldn’t we all just walk around with loaded guns and be ready to pop off on someone who tries to mess with us? The idea sounds absurd because it is.

In a lot of our movies, music, and video games gun violence is celebrated or seen as a justifiable common solution to resolve disagreements and complete an agenda. The years of our fascination with guns is starting to really unfold in dangerous destructive ways. I don’t know what it’s going to take to thaw our icy hearts and hands from the triggers of guns…I wish I could end this with something more hopeful. I’m not a pessimist, but I am numb.  And the person who owns and shoots the gun is winning…they feel powerful. I feel powerless. America has robbed me of my identity to feel like my voice, my safety and my life counts.

Confessions of a Clinger

1. I don’t like taking out the trash…I will allow it to pile up and spill over, or smell really bad before I finally throw it out. What’s wrong with me?

2. I save old papers and documents that I will probably never use again, but all I can think about when I attempt to throw them away is – “wait, you may need that.”

3. I save old grocery and shopping bags…and they take up too much space in my home.

As I was addressing the three aforementioned occurrences in my home,  it got me thinking. Now, I’m not a full-blown out hoarder, I can walk through my home with ease. But was this a brief manifestation of a larger issue I have? Do I have attachment and detachment issues? If I’m going to be honest and admit it to myself, I can be clingy at times.

I cling on to what I think provides fulfillment, safety, stability and other forms of happiness enhancement. And if I don’t have those things, I cling on to the pursuit of bringing them to fruition. Writing that I can be clingy is mildly embarrassing because it has such a bad connotation to it, but allow me to explain.

Clinging to things that improve my character and quality of life seem to be justifiable. Or we can just wrap that in a prettier bow and call it dedication and discipline. However I’ve been known to cling to people and I see the cling at its best in romantic relationships.  My relational cling has little to do with my family and friends. My parents didn’t abandon me and I had friends growing up.

 I think the source of my relational cling is rooted in the stifled emotions I felt about my attractions. I didn’t date at all when I was younger and for a long time my sense of worth with respect to liking someone who liked me was pretty…low.

As I’ve been dating as an adult, I know in my mind that I’m a sufficient catch. I’ve done a lot to affirm myself and recognize what I bring to the table. I’m handsome, loyal, compassionate, funny, intelligent -I could name a bunch of things. What tends to get me though is that when I get affirmation from someone I desire, I cling on to that person as if they are the last person on Earth who will think good things about me. I’m not too prideful to admit if I’m insecure, but that isn’t the case. While we’ve all got insecurities, I don’t lack confidence about what I have to offer. I lack confidence that someone will consistently choose me and stick around through the good and the bad.  With each relationship that I’ve had, an underlying fear for me has been...are you going to leave me? While some of the blame to that question can be placed on people not valuing commitment and monogamy, my clinginess can perpetuate it until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What I’m learning about my tendency to cling in relationships is that it may always be there, and  it’s not my partner’s responsibility to soothe it, rather my own. Sure my partner can accept it, empathize and do their best to make sure I don’t feel like they are going to just leave me; however, at the end of the day, it’s not their issue…its mine.  I’m actually glad to be so self-aware that I can pin-point my strengths and all the reasons someone should be with me, and the things I need to work on. And I’m clinging on to the idea of managing my clinginess.